The 10-Step Negotiator’s Guide to a Happier Holiday
As professional negotiators, we’re used to seeing how the right preparation can transform tense meetings into constructive conversations. But every December, many of us enter another high-stakes environment—the festive season—woefully underprepared. The result? Misaligned expectations, last-minute scrambles, and avoidable stress that takes time and joy from the people we care most about.
So this year, we offer you a light-hearted look at how a little preparation and negotiation discipline can make the festive season not only smoother, but more joyful.
Step 1: Seek a clear Mandate
Before starting to plan this year’s celebrations, don't forget to first seek a clear brief from the mandate holder in your family. Big celebrations with family and friends or quiet get-together? At home or with family or perhaps a holiday somewhere (Lapland?) Don't start your prep until there is a clear view of what the final outcome should be.
Step 2: Set expectations early
Before the season kicks off, have a simple conversation with all who will be involved about what the holidays might look like. Gifts or no gifts? Large or small? Travel or stay put? Early disclosure and clear expectations eliminate the “silent expectations” that can often lead to disappointment.
Step 3: Avoid assumptions and listen
Assuming you “just know” what someone wants is the holiday equivalent of “Have I got a deal for you…” People rarely want things; they want what the things represent—comfort, connection, surprise, or appreciation. Ask what matters most this year and listen for the underlying needs. A quick check-in can save an awkward unboxing later.
Step 4: Create Value, don’t just buy it
Sometimes the most meaningful gifts aren’t expensive—they’re personalised, thoughtful, or experiential. Be generous with your time, invest effort to personalise and focus on what is valued and brings joy. Value creation is as powerful with family as it is at the negotiating table.
Step 5: Map your stakeholders
Planning a large get-together? Who will be coming? What are their priorities for the event? Where are the challenging family dynamics? Regard family gatherings like any multi-party negotiation: anticipate, explore and plan.
Step 6: Craft options together
Whether coordinating a large gathering or a small get-together, propose options. Flexibility invites collaboration and collaboration reduces conflict. If others are hesitant to make decisions, advance the process by making ‘Either–Or Proposals’ and inviting a response.
Step 7: Time management
Preparation promotes success and reduces stress. Order early. Wrap early. Plan travel early. Your future self will thank you warmly — probably with mulled wine if your winters are cold. Here in Australia, we put wine in the fridge in December.
Step 8: Agree on roles
Who cooks? Who hosts? Who brings what? Who pays? Clarifying roles upfront and good teamwork are key to a smooth process. It keeps everyone aligned and reduces uncertainty and worry — an underrated success factor in both deal-making and holiday preparation.
Step 9: Nurture relationships
Remember: the goal isn’t winning, outdoing the neighbours or beating last year’s event — it’s bringing people together and nurturing the relationships that make it meaningful. Prioritise goodwill, human connection and building bridges.
Step 10: Reflect together
After the festivities, take a moment to reflect. What worked well? What would you change? How can next year bring even more joy?
Continuous improvement isn’t just for business—it strengthens families too. During this time of celebration can we suggest that you find a few moments to reflect on the joys in your life and look forward to the year ahead.
This season, we invite you to approach the holiday season the way we approach our best negotiations: with careful preparation, curiosity, empathy, and a commitment to building long-term relationships.
May your holidays be harmonious, your negotiations successful, and may your preparations bring you peace, presence, and the most meaningful kind of cheer.
Warmest wishes from all of us at Negotiation Partners.